How To Spend Your Online Hours

Tom: Have you read Mark’s takedown of Sam’s latest article?

Harry: No.

Tom: Have you read Sam’s latest article?

Harry: No.

Tom: Okay, you should read Sam’s latest article so you can read Mark’s takedown.

Harry: Okay.

Tom: Actually, Sam’s latest article is a response to Reggie’s latest article, so you should read Reggie’s first.

Harry: Can do.

Tom: But that article from Reggie is a response to an article by Jacinda.

Harry: So I should read the one from Jacinda first?

Tom: Yes…well, you’re not going to understand Jacinda’s article unless you read that one article from Desmond about warlocks, because Jacinda is definitely taking Desmond to ask.

Harry: And who is Desmond responding to?

Tom: Probably Cindy. Or Mindy. Or both of them.

Harry: So I should read…

Tom: I don’t know how essential Cindy and Mindy are… at least, they don’t have any standout articles, but you really need to read a bit of their work just to get the feel for it. The tenor. The vibe. They have a definite vibe that Desmond is responding to.

Harry: What’s the Cindy and Mindy vibe a response to?

Tom: Yeah, good question. It’s definitely a response to Gary. Early Gary, not late Gary. No one cares about late Gary.

Harry: Okay. So I need to…

Tom: You need to read some early Gary so that you understand Cindy and Mindy, whose vibe Desmond is responding to, whose argument Jacinda is responding to, whose argument Reggie is responding to. And after you’ve read all that, you can read Sam’s latest article, which is terrible, but it’s worth it because then you can read Mark’s epic takedown.

Harry: Cool, so I’ll clear out a couple hours to do the spadework necessary to understand Mark’s epic takedown of Sam.

Tom: Yep, that’s it. It’d be easier if you just constantly stayed current on everything. You might not be spending enough time online reading hot takes.

Harry: That’s a distinct possibility. Say, do you think I might better off reading something which isn’t going to be completely dated and obsolete in four months?

Tom: What? No! You’ve got to read all those articles so you can understand the epic takedowns that are written in four months.

Harry: And I should read the epic takedowns written four months from now because…?

Tom: Because they’re important, man. It’s a conversation. We’re hashing out important stuff here. Pay attention to the conversation for long enough and you can write some epic takedowns yourself.

Harry: And why do I want to write epic takedowns?

Tom: (confused) I mean, that’s the dream, right?